In September of 2000, a first cousin of my father's said to me that our country wasn't a democracy. And he didn't mean in the we-are-technically-a-republic sense, he meant it in the sense that we are many of us now beginning to feel.
At the time, I thought he was so radical! This was a only a few months before Bush v. Gore when the Supreme Court stopped the Florida recount and handed the presidency to Bush. This was not quite a year before the disaster in lower Manhattan.
The night Trump was elected was a strange night, but this is also one, and frankly, it is scarier to me. What happened with Brett Kavanaugh's confirmation to the Supreme Court scares me more than all of the other afore mentioned events. It is the fact that the rulers of our country no longer see any reason to pretend that they do not wield absolute power. They see no reason to even try to present a face of fairness to the country.
Those in power could have easily withdrawn a man who perjured himself on television in front of the world, who showed him self to be belligerent and aggressive towards women in this same testimony(Senator Klobuchar), who showed a lack of judicial temperament and a wealth of partisan fervor (the Clintons are out to get me) and who very possibly could be guilty of sexual assault. Those in power could have simply nominated another right wing partisan who would have gutted or overturned Roe v. Wade, who would have affirmed that 'corporations are people, my friend,' and that big business can do whatever they want and damn the people and the environment.
They chose not to do this. They chose the shove this particular nominee down our throats. They chose to elevate him because they could. And they chose to do it to show that we could not stop it.
What will be next?
Saturday, October 6, 2018
Friday, September 28, 2018
Truth
There has been a lot of drama swirling around a person in my life recently. To begin the conversation this way seems to imply that this is a new phenomenon, but in truth the drama has only augmented. This woman has been a part of my life since I was born. She is my godmother, my mother's best friend, my once music teacher and my mentor. Her attitudes and ideas have shaped me perhaps as much as those of my parents. I count her responsible for much of who I am and for the fact that I am a professional musician today. To call our relationship complicated would be to grossly understate the messiness of it all, but that isn't what this post is about.
When I was small, my best friend was the son of a friend of my parents' who taught with my father at the university. We were born a few months apart. I've heard the following story from all three women referenced. My mother, my friend's mother and my godmother were all trying to get pregnant around the same time. My mother seemed to become pregnant instantly. Soon after, my friend's mother became pregnant, but my godmother never did.
As I was growing up, my godmother told the best stories about her days teaching high school choral music. Both she and my godfather loved their students and took special interest in their lives. This interest could even be called transformative for many of them. A few of these people I'd only heard about growing up who came to my godfather's funeral decades later to recount the positive impact of these two people in their lives.
While growing up, I heard many messages from her about women and children with the message that if you want a career or any sort of happy life, it is best not to have children. I particularly remember one story of her meeting a woman on a beach in Hawaii who was allegedly complaining to her that the men get to have all the fun while they are left on the side because they are the 'cow' because they have to physically feed the small children. Eventually such things turned to statements of being glad that she never had children. She would occasionally mention the children with problems that had been offered to them by the adoption agency. They did not want these children. At the same time, I would go upstairs to their spare bedroom and find the nursery they prepared for the child that never came, complete with a crib and rocking horse. Gradually the room filled with other discarded or saved items, but the rocking horse at least was there through my teen years.
As my godmother has aged many of her traits and proclivities seem to have calcified in the process. As long as I can remember, she has made denigrating statements against my mother to me while at the same time claiming to be her friend. These have only gotten more extreme as she as aged and become more erratic. Finally, at the age of 42, I said no. I said that I wanted to talk about something other than this. At the time, I knew for a fact she had not even seen or talked to my mother in months.
After the confrontation, I was left puzzling about this person who has been such a force in my life. I know, at least from others if not from her herself, that not being able to have children was devastating. It leaves me thinking about what we do with our disappointments in life.
What do we do when we realize that one thing we had wanted the most from life will not happen or is over, be it a career, a child, a relationship, a position or possession in this world? For my godmother, my theory is that this disappointment turned into a great seed of bitterness hidden even below her own line of sight. Her relationships with her students often became 'too much.' She overstepped boundaries. She became involved in their lives more than most teachers. Some would say this is the hallmark of a good teacher, but in my case, certainly, it was too much. In the patterns I've observed from a far with other students, and the reactions of their parents, I would guess that I wasn't the only one.
I also think about her duplicity and vitriol against my mother. Where does that come from? Could it be from the fact that my mother seemed to effortlessly achieve that one thing she had once wanted most of all? Could it be that all of the things she had been taught to value as the measure of a human being, things she continually castigated my mother for lacking, had little to nothing to do with why one person had a child and another did not? Or with why one person was happy with their life and another not?
It also leaves me thinking about my own career, or whatever this rambling job path I have followed could be called. My own aspirations for a certain level and frequency of professional performance are well beyond what I have achieved or what I am on any track to achieve. What do I do with this? I have made certain choices in my life, and the consequences of those choices have often led me in other directions. It also might be true that I am just not quite good enough, or that I didn't dedicate myself in the right ways at the right times, that I wasn't single minded enough. And I think that is true to a point. I am not single minded. There have always been things that I have valued more than 'getting the gig.'
Still, when I am face to face with my disappointment, what do I do with this? When it becomes clear that the shining dream will not be realized as you had envisioned, what do you do with that energy? That seems to be so much of what defines a life. What do you do with that disappointment? How do you come to terms with the unwanted reality staring you in the face?
Even now, my godmother refuses to acknowledge her limitations. At the age of 72, which of course is not that old, after strokes, falls, cognitive decline and other severe health issues, she refuses to acknowledge that independent living and a return to teaching are not just around the corner for her. Perhaps I will be proved wrong, and I would like nothing more, but her inability to accept her situation continues to destroy relationships and alienate those who truly do love her.
(July 2018)
When I was small, my best friend was the son of a friend of my parents' who taught with my father at the university. We were born a few months apart. I've heard the following story from all three women referenced. My mother, my friend's mother and my godmother were all trying to get pregnant around the same time. My mother seemed to become pregnant instantly. Soon after, my friend's mother became pregnant, but my godmother never did.
As I was growing up, my godmother told the best stories about her days teaching high school choral music. Both she and my godfather loved their students and took special interest in their lives. This interest could even be called transformative for many of them. A few of these people I'd only heard about growing up who came to my godfather's funeral decades later to recount the positive impact of these two people in their lives.
While growing up, I heard many messages from her about women and children with the message that if you want a career or any sort of happy life, it is best not to have children. I particularly remember one story of her meeting a woman on a beach in Hawaii who was allegedly complaining to her that the men get to have all the fun while they are left on the side because they are the 'cow' because they have to physically feed the small children. Eventually such things turned to statements of being glad that she never had children. She would occasionally mention the children with problems that had been offered to them by the adoption agency. They did not want these children. At the same time, I would go upstairs to their spare bedroom and find the nursery they prepared for the child that never came, complete with a crib and rocking horse. Gradually the room filled with other discarded or saved items, but the rocking horse at least was there through my teen years.
As my godmother has aged many of her traits and proclivities seem to have calcified in the process. As long as I can remember, she has made denigrating statements against my mother to me while at the same time claiming to be her friend. These have only gotten more extreme as she as aged and become more erratic. Finally, at the age of 42, I said no. I said that I wanted to talk about something other than this. At the time, I knew for a fact she had not even seen or talked to my mother in months.
After the confrontation, I was left puzzling about this person who has been such a force in my life. I know, at least from others if not from her herself, that not being able to have children was devastating. It leaves me thinking about what we do with our disappointments in life.
What do we do when we realize that one thing we had wanted the most from life will not happen or is over, be it a career, a child, a relationship, a position or possession in this world? For my godmother, my theory is that this disappointment turned into a great seed of bitterness hidden even below her own line of sight. Her relationships with her students often became 'too much.' She overstepped boundaries. She became involved in their lives more than most teachers. Some would say this is the hallmark of a good teacher, but in my case, certainly, it was too much. In the patterns I've observed from a far with other students, and the reactions of their parents, I would guess that I wasn't the only one.
I also think about her duplicity and vitriol against my mother. Where does that come from? Could it be from the fact that my mother seemed to effortlessly achieve that one thing she had once wanted most of all? Could it be that all of the things she had been taught to value as the measure of a human being, things she continually castigated my mother for lacking, had little to nothing to do with why one person had a child and another did not? Or with why one person was happy with their life and another not?
It also leaves me thinking about my own career, or whatever this rambling job path I have followed could be called. My own aspirations for a certain level and frequency of professional performance are well beyond what I have achieved or what I am on any track to achieve. What do I do with this? I have made certain choices in my life, and the consequences of those choices have often led me in other directions. It also might be true that I am just not quite good enough, or that I didn't dedicate myself in the right ways at the right times, that I wasn't single minded enough. And I think that is true to a point. I am not single minded. There have always been things that I have valued more than 'getting the gig.'
Still, when I am face to face with my disappointment, what do I do with this? When it becomes clear that the shining dream will not be realized as you had envisioned, what do you do with that energy? That seems to be so much of what defines a life. What do you do with that disappointment? How do you come to terms with the unwanted reality staring you in the face?
Even now, my godmother refuses to acknowledge her limitations. At the age of 72, which of course is not that old, after strokes, falls, cognitive decline and other severe health issues, she refuses to acknowledge that independent living and a return to teaching are not just around the corner for her. Perhaps I will be proved wrong, and I would like nothing more, but her inability to accept her situation continues to destroy relationships and alienate those who truly do love her.
(July 2018)
On the Dr. Ford's testimony against Kavanaugh
What really happened today...
White men of power: "We believe her, but we don't care."
White men of power: "We believe her, but we don't care."
Tuesday, April 10, 2018
"If I were a younger man, I would be working for Kucinich."
“If I were a younger man, I would be working for Kucinich.” - My father, 2003.
Long a fan of Dennis Kucinich, I stumbled across a recent
article declaring him a man who has been ahead of his time for the
majority of his political career. They
stopped short of declaring that his time has come, but this is something we may
have some indication of when the Ohio Democratic Gubernatorial primary is held
on May 8.
Here is a short list
of reasons why I consider Kucinich worth voting for.
·
Given an F rating by the NRA. Supports an assault weapons ban.
·
Supports $15 minimum wage for Ohio.
·
Wants to end all fracking and drilling in Ohio.
·
Says he’ll turn the governor’s mansion into a
homeless shelter.
·
Has two beagle mixes. (Of course, I don’t vote for people because
of their pets, but it is a plus.)
He also has a lifetime record of fighting for his
principles. The most notable of these was
against the fight to privatize the city power utility when Kucinich was Mayor
of Cleveland. After struggling against powerful
interests, including a hit placed on his life by a local mob boss, he
eventually lost his reelection bid, but the city utility was not privatized. In the 90’s Kucinich was cited by the City
Council for his “courage” which saved
the people of Cleveland over $195 million dollars by keeping the utility in
public hands.
Returning to my father’s quote, early in 2003 my father
declared his support for John Kerry.
Privately he made the above statement to me. A political scientist and man who found great
joy in the sport of politics, he had a long history of working for principled
candidates who pushed issues forward but rarely had personal electoral success. (See Gene McCarthy in 1976. My father was on the ballot in Ohio as his running
mate.) Even so he had never been to a party
convention, and he wanted to be a delegate.
Unbeknownst to me, he also knew that his mild cognitive decline was the
beginning of something much larger and this would be one of his last campaigns. Sadly, he was not chosen as a delegate,
something he blamed on being just another white man. He poured his energies
into the race, but at his core he saw the solutions to the problems of our
society as being something that a candidate like Kerry, unlike Kucinich, would
never address.
Saturday, December 2, 2017
Shooting Arrows at a Castle…
Dear Westminster Friends and Friends
of Westminster,
Like many of us, and especially
those who live far away, I am in the dark about what is going on currently
regarding the attempted sale of Westminster.
Lawsuits proceed at a slow pace, and Rider University releases only unspecific reassurances. While I hope for the best of outcomes, I fear
for what will be left of our beloved Westminster by the time the courts and other negotiations have
finished.
I know that many of you have been,
and continue to work tirelessly in much more effective ways than I can
suggest. Thank you. Here are a few paltry ideas of things to try
to shine much needed light on what is going on.
If Rider’s efforts are actually for the best, some outside scrutiny
should be nothing for anyone to fear. What
follows is a short list of things I think may be worth trying. I welcome you to add your own.
NYT
(I don’t believe the NYT has said one
word about the current situation.)
PhillyNews.com
Contact
Form: http://www.philly.com/philly/about/feedback/
NJ.com
news@njtimes.com or call
609-989-5679
AP
(The AP did run one story that was
picked up by the Seattle Times a number of months ago.)
Economic Update
The attempted sale of Westminster
and the problems between the Rider Administration and the AAUP are exactly the type
of things I would love to hear Richard Wolf talk about. If the sale happens, Westminster will only be
the harbinger of more to come. Here is a
link to my request for him to cover this.
You can either elevate this request or file your own.
Democracy Now
Contact Form:
https://www.democracynow.org/contact
Call:
(212) 431 – 9090
ELECTED OFFICIALS
Senator Corey Booker
(202) 224-3224 Washington Office
(973) 639-8700 Newark Office
(856) 338-8922 Camden Office
Senator Bob Menendez
(202) 224-4744 Washington Office
(202) 224-4744 Barrington Office
(973) 645-3030
Newark Office
State Senator Christopher Bateman,
district 16 (609) 526-3600
State Assembly Jack M. Ciattarelli (908) 450 - 7064
State Assembly Andrew Zwicker (609) 454 – 3147
Rider University Board of Trustees
-
The list of trustees is on the Rider site. If you Google, you can find email addresses,
street addresses and phone numbers for many of these people or their places of
business online. I am happy to privately
share those email addresses that I have found.
-
Since the sale has not gone through, and these people
are the only ones with the direct power to reverse the prior decision. I see nothing wrong in respectfully letting
them know again and again what we think.
Monday, October 3, 2016
My picture of Hillary Clinton
I used to have a picture of Hillary
Clinton on my wall. In 1999, I was the
accompanist for a middle school choir that sang at the White House at a
Christmas Party for volunteers. Towards
the end of the performance Hilary came to greet us, and I shook her hand
before she took a picture with the group.
The children stood on risers with Hilary on the right. My
24-year-old self was bunched in with the other adults on the left. The picture
was strange; the photographer had achieved a perspective where Hillary looked
like the tallest one in the frame.
I loved that picture, and I liked
Hillary. Other adults on the trip
commented that she seemed cold when they met her. I thought that she must shake a lot of hands,
and I couldn’t imagine the personal energy and time it takes to be warm with
every person she must meet. I loved how
smart she was, yet it mystified me that I knew a lot of people with whom I
otherwise politically agreed who just didn’t like her at all. In some cases, I recognized in their judgements the
double standard towards women that I had always seen in my own life and lives
of other strong women around me.
Back in the Bill Clinton era, I was in undergraduate
studies and then newly in the workforce.
I called myself a feminist openly and got so much push back that I
called myself a “feminazi” to make light of it.
I often said that my definition of feminism was “the belief that a
person’s opportunities or access to life should not be limited by their gender.” When put like this, many more people claimed
to agree with me. I was apparently known in my community as a “feminazi,” and
not always in the good way. When I met
my now partner, he heard in serious tones from someone who knew someone I went
to college with over 10 years before and on the opposite coast that I was “a
feminazi.”
One of the few bright points in the
otherwise dismal media coverage of the 2016 campaign is the attention payed to
the rampant misogyny arrayed against Mrs. Clinton. I would agree that yes, she has always played
politically on a rigged field, as every woman in life plays on a rigged field. I am glad that these things are finally
news. I am delighted that the word
“mansplaining” has entered the common lexicon, and I am happy for the good that
this growing awareness could do for women everywhere.
My problem is that many legitimate
criticisms are now being dismissed as sexist.
If I try to point out that it sends a bad message when someone claiming
to be a champion of the poor wears a $12,000 coat as they talk
about inequality, I am attacked for being sexist for criticizing what she
wears. If I try to say that her foreign
policy record swings towards the hawkish, I am attacked saying that I wouldn’t
make such a charge against a man with a similar record. Perhaps that is true for some of her critics,
but that is not where I am coming from, and her record makes this a valid
concern.
As an American with left leaning political tendencies,
I have been profoundly disappointed with her record. From her blind support for Israel and
vilification of the Palestinians to her promotion of fracking around the globe,
from her vote for the war in Iraq to her on camera displays of arrogance and condescension
towards Black Lives Matter protestors, I am heartbroken for what she might have
been instead. Regardless of gender or
intellect, she has sadly become a candidate that I cannot believe in or
actively support.*
As for me, the picture with Hillary is no longer on my wall. It's demise happened a number of years ago after I put my things into
storage while preparing for a move overseas. I
was heartbroken when I finally opened what I thought was a safe time capsule
to discover that water had permeated everything leaving a moldy inky ruin in
its wake. If I still had it, I might
still keep it out. In the dining room, I
keep a picture of Richard Nixon in mid stride while bowling. A large button proclaiming “I like Ike” was my
Christmas tree topper a few years ago. I am a political animal, after all. There is still time and hope for Hillary that
she might do something to make her portrait again worthy of a place honor in my home.
*And
what about the orange-tinted menace who uses some of the most openly misogynistic
language of any modern candidate? Would
I rather have him with that type of power or with the nuclear codes? Of course not. The outcome of not voting for
Hilary as portrayed in the media still feels so absurd that I almost feel as if
I am being played in a giant show designed to create support for a predetermined
outcome. But that would be an idea for another blog post.
Tuesday, September 20, 2016
A Prayer for Election Season
In church on Sunday, one of our prayers
asked God for help that in the midst of this divisive election season that we might
refrain from demonizing the other side.
I was so struck by this!
Demonization of everyone not like “us”
is everywhere. Clinton v. Trump v. Third Parties v. DNC and on and on, and the
candidates are leading the charge to the bottom. Oddly
enough, after Hillary’s now infamous “basket of deplorables” comment, I came
across a recent interview of Bill Clinton online where he was not demonizing Trump
supporters. He was talking about looking
at the life circumstances of many of the people in the demographics that contain the strongest Trump
supporters. He was talking with Trevor
Noah about looking at where these people were coming from. I am no fan of many of the policies
championed and enacted by Bill Clinton, but at least he offered some lip service to the need to look at things from the other side’s
perspective.
So much of the anger underlying this
demonization online is misdirected anger. I would summarize my recent Facebook reads in the statement,“Dubya was the fault
of all you Nader loving contrarians!” I would ask, where is the anger at the Supreme Court for stopping the count or for the State of
Florida who purged 181,157 voters purged from the rolls in the lead up to the 2000
election? Where is the outrage over the
butterfly ballots in Palm Beach County where it is estimated that they took
around 2,800 votes from Gore and gave them to Pat Buchanan (Palm Beach Post.) Looking at 2016, where is the concern over our
voting process itself? Look at what
happened in NY, Brooklyn, Arizona and California. Where is the concern, the outrage over the probability that our democracy could be hacked in a million different ways, that our voting system is not
secure? There is so much that is wrong with our country that deserves our
energy, attention and outrage!
Creating hard feelings isn’t going to
help us on Nov. 9. No matter which candidate
moves into the White House next, it is going to be a tough road for most of us. If we have alienated each
other, if we have broken the ties of friendship, if we have lost the ability to
listen, if we continue to blame each other rather than acknowledging and
looking honestly at the powerful forces that have set the stage what is for so
many of us a horrible choice, then we will not be able to work together for a better world in the face of what is to come.
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