After a colleague is fired

We are "o.k." That is what we say. The looks pass between us. There is a strange openness, an open acknowledgment that any of us could be the next. We make eye contact, but the boss does not. He seems to have gained more of a connection to his preaching, his passion in the midst of his choices, yet he does not really look at us. Do we look at him? Do we dare to try to make that type of connection through the eye?

The disappeared. If it can happen to the woman who ran this place, it can happen to any of us. After the brutality of abruptness, we are left with that truth in the center of our minds.

Yet, this is not about a job ended. This feeling inside of us and between us is not about budget or shortfalls, not about streamlining to focus on the mission of this workplace, not about a difficult choice. It is about trust. We, the staff, trusted our leader to deal with us honestly and forthrightly. We trusted that our jobs were secure as he said they were back in the Fall. We trusted that when tough choices would come, he would treat us with the same dignity and respect that he professes by talking openly with us about problems and potential consequences. Then after such honesty, it would be time for him to assume the responsibility of painful decisions. With this special trust built by hard honesty, we could have been primed to grow stronger.

Inscrutable is the word I currently think of when I see this man. So rarely do we glimpse what he actually feels! All we are left with for our judgments are his words. Words are tricky, ambiguous little things, especially when 90% of human communication is independent of them. Each interprets what they see and hear according to their own filter, so when real action is taken we are all surprised by the result and what we now imagine must be inside of him.